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Welcome to the party, dude, and please do come right in!
We'll have some yuks, collect some bucks and do what it takes to win.
We're the new improved brand Democrat, so let's get on the bus.
If Donald Trump's brand makes you jumpy, you've no choice but us.
But seriously, folks, we've never had an opponent as vulnerable as Donald Trump, and we can make plans now for a Dem majority. Everbody's in line to get something, and the party's buzzing in consequence.
Except for the left, they're anti-Amaerican and anti-Semitic and we don't need them. Bernie, to his credit, did get out there for us and tried his best to recruit from the anarchist crowd--he inadvertently organized a left wing cult and almost created a monster--but that's behind us now and we're writing it off as futile.
No big loss. The lefties are Putin-Assad apologists who want America taken down a peg and think four more years of Trump might make that happen. We can win without them. We did it with Clinton--talking about the popular vote here--and we'll do it with Biden.
Think about it. When was the last time Democrats could say, "If you don't support our guy, you're helping the Russkis" or "If you vote Green or write in Mickey Mouse, you love Donald Trump and want to cripple women and people of color."? Not since 2016 has Donald Trump been this unpopular. As for the none-of-the-above butt-sitters, we're forcing their hand, doubling down on them and calling their bluff.
Don't forget, too, that we've never before had a chance to elect somebody so unelectable. If you're Black and he gets the Black vote, he owes you. And if you're a woman, and he's sure to get the womens' vote, he owes you. Every minority gets something. Within reason and if it's not too expensive.
On the theory that the enemy of your enemy is your friend, and conceding that in the elections industry, you stretch out with strange bedfellows, we'll be introducing you to some new friends. Say "Yo" to George W. Bush and John Bolton. They hate Trump almost as much as you do.
Diversity notwithstanding, we Dems are promising opportunity, well-paid employment, equality, peace at home, responsible government, justice and security, all under most of the current leadership of industry, politics, science, and entertainment (including journalism) and all without discernible changes in our social institutions. As transformations go, it promises to be unprecendented.
Don't worry that Joe Biden may not be up to the task of taking over a failed nation, paralyzed by war, debt, domestic disorder and pestilence. He has plenty of trusted advisors to tell him what to do, good people from business and politics, many of them straddling both industries. They'll know what's best for us. So far, they don't seem to be saying, but everybody loves a surprise.
And, please, no moralistic lectures. Trump must be defeated at all costs. We don't want to hear that you never voted for a sexual predator before and don't want to start now. And just because Joe's personally endorsed mass Black imprisonment, war, and Israeli apartheid, among other difficult policy issues, that doesn't mean he's still for all that stuff. If principle is standing in your way, think of the election returns, and the tears you will shed if we don't win.
Plus, you probably have voted for sex fiends before. You just don't know exactly who they were.